This blog is about polyamory, queerness, and sex positivity -- I will chronicle my musings, opinions, advice, adventures, and misadventures in open relationships and exploring my gender and sexuality. Come along for the ride!

Your Host:
I am an early 20's polyamorous queer and genderqueer sometimes-ladyish person looking to create a society of understanding and acceptance of polyamory and sex positivity. Since most people are either unaware, unsupportive, or have misconceptions of polyamory, this blog is critical. And awesome. And will definitely make you smile. That's what really matters in the world, right? Right.

The most important thing about this blog is that it's here not just for me, but for you. With such a small (but growing!) polyamorous community online, it's important that we advocate for each other and speak up. This is my way of doing so. Please feel free to ask me questions or request topics for me to speak on.

[And peruse the links below for a better understanding of what Polycule is all about.]


Pro Tip for “progressive” friends of genderqueer people

This is inspired by an email received by a self-proclaimed “progressive” friend of mine who thought it his place to decide whether or not to use the correct pronouns for genderqueer people. Apologies in advance for the anger that I fail at suppressing here.

  • You are not being a good friend when you refuse to use gender-neutral pronouns for someone who identifies that way. 
  • The reason does not matter. You are being a bad friend and a shitty person.
  • You are not being a good friend when you tell your genderqueer friend that gender-neutral pronouns are too difficult to use in conversation. 
  • You are not being a good friend when you claim to be progressive, open-minded, and sex-positive, yet can’t respect your friend’s identity enough to acknowledge that it exists.
  • You are not being a good friend when you tell your friend this and expect this decision to be respected in return.
  • You aren’t being a good friend because you are communicating to them: “your identity is difficult for me so I am going to invalidate who you are by refusing to refer to you by the gender that you are.”
  • You aren’t being a good friend because you are making their identity about you, and about how difficult their life is for you to deal with.
  • You aren’t being a good friend because you think their identity is up for debate.
  • You do not get to deliberate about who a person is.
  • You do not get to make decisions about how you’ll identify a person knowing that it goes against who they are.
  • You do not get to tell them they are being too defensive about their identity.
  • You do not get to tell them they are asking too much of their friends by demanding to be identified by the correct gender.
  • You do not get to end this tirade by guilt-tripping them into still being your friend.
  • You do not get to say all of this with compassion and feigned empathy and sweet words and expect that to be any different than an ignorant asshole who spits on a person as they walk by.
  • You do NOT get to use their identity as a spectacle to be debated about with their friends and partners without their consent or knowledge.

  • We are not spectacles. We are not up for debate. We didn’t choose our pronouns or identity with your comfort in mind.
  • We don’t expect transitions to be easy for all of our friends, but we expect you to be a goddamn fucking human being and fucking respect our lives because who the fuck are you to deliberate about who I am?
  • Fuck you.
  • You’re not progressive. You’re a privileged asshole who thinks my identity is optional for you to recognize. It’s not optional.
  • You get to be a friend to my whole being, or you get to be a stranger.

  1. nevermind-okay reblogged this from polycule
  2. savkobresia reblogged this from therantingsofacollegegay
  3. tattooedqueer reblogged this from lesbians-and-bathsalts
  4. lesbians-and-bathsalts reblogged this from therantingsofacollegegay
  5. therantingsofacollegegay reblogged this from awfully-distracted
  6. lesrevesdoux reblogged this from awfully-distracted
  7. awfully-distracted reblogged this from kandinskyflowers
  8. kandinskyflowers reblogged this from jacobinenjolras
  9. aphnorwegian reblogged this from bipolarbucky
  10. eldritch-mermaid reblogged this from jacobinenjolras
  11. fyeahblackturtlenecks reblogged this from maylandiejolras
  12. tigersinlondon reblogged this from firstmatecockburner
  13. buttsinthebelfry reblogged this from maylandiejolras
  14. transsam reblogged this from bipolarbucky
  15. son-0f-aphrodite reblogged this from bipolarbucky
  16. cyrillior reblogged this from bipolarbucky
  17. agentgui reblogged this from bipolarbucky
  18. bipolarbucky reblogged this from maylandiejolras
  19. firstmatecockburner reblogged this from jacobinenjolras
  20. maylandiejolras reblogged this from jacobinenjolras
  21. jacobinenjolras reblogged this from javert
  22. pruroma reblogged this from kuroisaurus
  23. cordaena reblogged this from activismandsnaps and added:
    That this even needs to be said is fucked up. Respect people, damn it!
  24. dapperqueermo reblogged this from activismandsnaps
  25. fingerthrob reblogged this from constancecomment
  26. teagankgb reblogged this from constancecomment
  27. silhouetteofagirl reblogged this from alltheharrypotterurlsaretaken