This blog is about polyamory, queerness, and sex positivity -- I will chronicle my musings, opinions, advice, adventures, and misadventures in open relationships and exploring my gender and sexuality. Come along for the ride!
I am an early 20's polyamorous queer and genderqueer sometimes-ladyish person looking to create a society of understanding and acceptance of polyamory and sex positivity. Since most people are either unaware, unsupportive, or have misconceptions of polyamory, this blog is critical. And awesome. And will definitely make you smile. That's what really matters in the world, right? Right.
The most important thing about this blog is that it's here not just for me, but for you. With such a small (but growing!) polyamorous community online, it's important that we advocate for each other and speak up. This is my way of doing so. Please feel free to ask me questions or request topics for me to speak on.
[And peruse the links below for a better understanding of what Polycule is all about.]
Tina Fey, Bossypants (via datassguardian)
lol sorry I couldn’t hear you over the chocolate croissant and cold pizza I’m having for breakfast.
Being polyamorous has opened me up to an entirely new perspective on relationships and relating.
Nobody fits into these neat little boxes anymore. There’s no checklist of requirements to fulfill in order to be labeled “partner” or “friend” or “lover.” I live in the gray area in between all of these neatly-defined roles that society wants for the people in our lives.
Sure, this complicates things. Some of the people I have had consistent sexual intimacy with are my “just friends,” some of the people I love the most I’ve never had romantic or intimate physicality with. It makes it harder to describe the relationships in your life, but I also find it much more freeing. The gray area can be the most empowering place to be.
And of course, this isn’t true of just poly people, but for me, polyamory is the avenue by which I discovered these possibilities, and my life is so much richer and more complex and amazing because of the freedom I’ve grabbed onto - the freedom to define people in my life in the way that is best suited for us, rather than the tired, irrelevant, unhelpful labels that society offers.
Just purchased my first binder! Sorry tits, you’re not welcome here.
It depends on why you want to have that conversation with them. If it’s because you’re looking to be self-righteous, then just stop right there because no one will gain anything from that.
If it’s because you care about them and their partners and think you’re seeing things from a perspective they don’t have, there are gentle and respectful ways to have that conversation. The best way to try and understand a person’s choices and actions (which you need to do before you offer your opinions and advice) is to simply ask. “Hey I notice you and Talulah have this agreement to do X, how is that going?” rather than “you swore you and Talulah would do X and you aren’t doing that.”
It’s not your place, even for a close friend, to pass judgment and offer unsolicited advice. If by way of asking questions to try and understand them better you discover that they’re looking for input, or that their judgment is clouded and they want an outside perspective, you can take that chance. But again, gently and respectfully. Chances are you don’t know the whole story, and there’s certainly a chance that your friend just doesn’t realize they’re doing things disrespectfully and an outsider perspective might be helpful for them. But in a way that won’t cause them to jump to being defensive, otherwise the conversation will just immediately shut down and your friend will be hurt.
If this is about genuinely wanting to help your friend treat people better, just ask them questions about their relationships and how they want to be treated and how their partners are feeling and what they believe is fair and just. Opening up a dialogue is the best way to share opinions together and learn from each other.