This blog is about polyamory, queerness, and sex positivity -- I will chronicle my musings, opinions, advice, adventures, and misadventures in open relationships and exploring my gender and sexuality. Come along for the ride!

Your Host:
I am an early 20's polyamorous queer and genderqueer sometimes-ladyish person looking to create a society of understanding and acceptance of polyamory and sex positivity. Since most people are either unaware, unsupportive, or have misconceptions of polyamory, this blog is critical. And awesome. And will definitely make you smile. That's what really matters in the world, right? Right.

The most important thing about this blog is that it's here not just for me, but for you. With such a small (but growing!) polyamorous community online, it's important that we advocate for each other and speak up. This is my way of doing so. Please feel free to ask me questions or request topics for me to speak on.

[And peruse the links below for a better understanding of what Polycule is all about.]

 

litahalford:

don’t trust people who finished Orange Is The New Black and still call Suzanne “Crazy Eyes”

fyeahsaddads:

a sad dad hides from his kids at the orlando airport

sad dads are my favorite dads

fyeahsaddads:

a sad dad hides from his kids at the orlando airport

sad dads are my favorite dads

"My child has recently started hanging out with a different group of friends, and now says he's bisexual. This identity-shift seems much more like a product of being influenced by these new friends, and not actually who he is--how do we communicate this with him?"

parentsproject:

- Question submitted Anonymously and Answered by Suzanne Brockmann

Suzanne Says:

Coupla things of which to be aware:

Your kid’s sexual orientation is not a choice or a phase or something that can change due to any outside influence — including yours. He is who he is. His sole choice…

gaypocalypse:

don’t trust people who use “monogamous” as shorthand for “regressive”

it’s not ok to cast people’s sexual boundaries as bad politics

He was hardly the first or only person to dub a carefully-worded, cautiously-approached conversation an expression of anger, despite my avoiding of words like “sexist.” Being read as angry when you are not does not require bad faith on the part of the person interpreting your words. All it requires is the skewed perspective bequeathed to us by the world: that anyone not upholding the status quo is disrupting it, and that such disruption is, by nature, angry.

A few months back, I was asked to participate in a debate on the topic of whether men should have to pay on dates. (I was “the feminist.”) It turned out that the male debater and I didn’t really disagree much on that topic. I said that, generally, whoever asks the other person out pays for that date, and then at some point couples generally transition into sharing costs in whatever way works for them. He was actually pretty happy to pay for first dates; he just wanted women to say thank you and to not use him. I had no problem with that.

I think he said that women should offer to pay half, knowing they’ll probably be turned down. I said, well, sometimes — but what if the other person invited you someplace really expensive? What if you agreed to a date with the guy and he spent an hour saying crazy racist shit to you and you felt like you couldn’t escape? This is what led to our real disagreement.

The male debater felt strongly that if a woman wasn’t interested in a second date, she should say so on the spot. If the man says, “Let’s do this again sometime,” the woman shouldn’t say, “Sure, great,” and then back out later. I said that that was a nice ideal, but that he should keep in mind that most women spent most of their lives living in low-level fear of physical aggression from men. I think about avoiding rape (or other violence) every time I walk home from the subway, every time there’s an unexpected knock at the door, and certainly every time I piss off an unhinged man. So, if I were on a date with a man who I felt was unbalanced, creepy, overly aggressive, or possibly violent, and he asked if I wanted to “do this again sometime,” I would say whatever I felt would avoid conflict. And then I would leave, wait awhile, and hope that letting him down politely a few days later would avoid his finding me and turning my skin into an overcoat.

The male debater was furious that I had even brought this up. He felt that the threat of violence against women was irrelevant, and that I was playing some kind of “rape card” as a debate trick. He got angrier and angrier as we argued. I also got angrier and angrier, although I worked hard to keep speaking in a calm and considered way. He was shouting and cutting me off when I tried to speak. I pointed out that the debater himself was displaying exactly the sort of behavior that would make me very uncomfortable on a date. THAT made him livid.

He then called me “passive-aggressive.”

I was genuinely taken aback. “Actually,” I said, “I call this ‘behaving myself.’” It’s a lot of work to stay calm when you’re just as furious as the other person, and that other person is shouting at you. I felt that I was acting like a grownup — at some emotional cost to myself — and I wanted credit, not insults, for being able to speak in a normal tone of voice when I was having to explain things like, “We can’t tell who the rapists are before they turn violent, so sometimes we have to be cautious with men who do not intend to harm us.”

Bullish Life: When Men Get Too Emotional To Have A Rational Argument (via ablazemoon)

Every man needs to understand this.

(via princelesscomic)

this is so so so important

(Source: brutereason)

theperksofshuttingthefuckup:

i remember once i was walking to class near this group of guys and one of them saw his girlfriend and one of his friends was like “c’mon man bros before hoes” and the guy looked him dead in the eye and said “she’s the bro and y’all bitches are the hoes” before going to talk to his girlfriend and i have never seen a group of guys in sagging jeans and ridiculous shoes look so offended 

Literature on trolling has only begun, as I have found while I try to narrow down the scope of the project. A 2002 academic study of trolling in a feminist discussion group formed in the early days of the internet articulated a vision of trolling that we’ve all come to know too well: people exploit free speech and feminists’ desire to be inclusive by disrupting discussion and creating intragroup conflict. Definitions have since emerged that name trolling as disruptive behavior that seeks to shut down a space or conversation. After viewing all of the messages I’ve collected, I would take it a step further and label trolling it as more serious than just being rude: trolling actions seeks reinforce the power of dominant groups and maintain negative narratives about marginalized communities. While trolls attack anyone they disagree with, people from marginalized communities have long pointed out that they are more likely to be targets of trolling that people with more privileged backgrounds and positions.

Essentially, trolls are trying to shut people up—and they seem to think that people who are historically at a disadvantage in the real world will have less power to fight back online. In my case, this goes for fat women, but women of color have often spoken up about experiencing daily trolling that’s similar to what I’ve experienced while collecting data for my project. Mikki Kendall, co-founder of website Hood Feminism, has spoken about the trolling she experienced after creating the hashtag #solidarityisforwhitewomen. She has become a target for both trolls and some feminists after challenging the exclusionary tactics that many feminists participate in by ignoring how the intersection of multiple identities changes the experiences women have due to race, body size, class status, gender identity, etcetera. Many people may not frame the backlash as trolling, but I would argue that since they are reinforcing the very system Kendall is challenging, their actions are trollish. What we begin to see is a pattern of abuse—trolling replicates social structures that oppress some while privileging others.

Trolls Don’t Just Want to be Rude—They Want Power Over Us | Bitch Media (via brutereason)

Also it’s super important that studies are only just starting to begin on this and identifying it as an issue to be investigated academically

alexanderobbins:

"wait, are you a boy or a girl. i can’t tell."

good. i don’t want you to know. you aren’t allowed. i hope it keeps you awake at night for the rest of your life. i hope on your death bed you think of me and still have absolutely no idea. and your entire afterlife will be you in a room with only my face as your thoughts and an eternal sense of confusion. 

http://polyamorousmisanthrope.tumblr.com/post/87648147917/inurashii-dotjpg-kimchicuddles-can

inurashii:

dotjpg:

kimchicuddles:

Can Polyamory Help Destroy Rape Culture? ~ Tikva Wolf

Hey I got published in Elephant Journal for an article about polyamory! Let me know what you think in the comments of the article, and spread the link to all your friends! If it gets…

Anonymous asked
Grow up. Be the better person. At least have the courage to text someone back "I'm not your friend and I don't want to talk to you" instead of going behind people's backs. You're just being jerks for no good reason. You want to provoke social change, do it in a respectable way. Why not?

straightwhiteboystexting:

Or you could treat women in a respectable way and then there would be no need to provoke social change but I’m just spitballing here. 

guys you know this blog is run by a teen girl right so can we stop discrediting teen girls they are fucking magical geniuses they know what’s up

Played 8,337 times

chamberlain:

Chambaland - “Roll Up 4 What” (Beyoncé vs. DJ Snake & Lil Jon)

if you aren’t listening to this mashup on repeat then get out of my face you are useless to me

Anonymous asked
Do you date cis straight people?

sometimes? but pretty much the thing that attracts me most to a person is their fabulous queerness, so a straight cis person has a lot working against them, being, ya know, not queer.

lgbtqblogs:

WATCH: Janet Mock Flips the Script on Cisgender Host

Turning the tables on Fusion’s Alicia Menendez, trans author and activist Janet Mock assumed the role of interviewer to demonstrate the invasive and inappropriate questions trans women regularly face in the media.

Mock began by commending Menendez in much the way that Piers Morgan attempted to deliver a backhanded compliment to Mock when he hosted her on his CNN program earlier this year.

"What’s so amazing is if I were to look at you, I would have never not known that you weren’t trans," Mock said to Menendez. She then rattled off a series of increasingly personal questions about the on-air personality’s anatomym and how her gender identity affects her perception of self and the world.

"Do you have a vagina?" Mock asked during the faux interview. "Do you feel like your idea of self, your cisness, holds you back in any way?"

After the mock interview, Menendez described her discomfort, surprising even herself, since she and her team had prepared the questions before the show. “I didn’t realize how awful and invasive some of [these questions] would feel,” said Menendez.