This blog is about polyamory, queerness, and sex positivity -- I will chronicle my musings, opinions, advice, adventures, and misadventures in open relationships and exploring my gender and sexuality. Come along for the ride!

Your Host:
I am an early 20's polyamorous queer and genderqueer sometimes-ladyish person looking to create a society of understanding and acceptance of polyamory and sex positivity. Since most people are either unaware, unsupportive, or have misconceptions of polyamory, this blog is critical. And awesome. And will definitely make you smile. That's what really matters in the world, right? Right.

The most important thing about this blog is that it's here not just for me, but for you. With such a small (but growing!) polyamorous community online, it's important that we advocate for each other and speak up. This is my way of doing so. Please feel free to ask me questions or request topics for me to speak on.

[And peruse the links below for a better understanding of what Polycule is all about.]

 

i literally hate all men. actually. there’s some cismen i love dearly and who treat me like a human and who do their best not to live up to their cismen legacies, but that doesn’t change the fact that i. literally. hate. all. men.

cry fucking misandry all you want but the world we live in requires me not to give men the benefit of the doubt until they’ve proven that i can trust them to be in my life.

jong-daethmetal:

my fear is my right

my fear is my survival

and if u get offended by my fear of u then that just proves that i am 100% correct in fearing u

dudes who are like WOW YOU WONT EVEN TALK TO ME BC YOU THINK ILL RAPE YOU WHAT A FUCKING CUNT like a) yes that’s correct and b) thank you for proving my fear so i won’t have to waste any more time discerning if you in fact are 9000% a creep and c) im gay and yes you should take that personally

criedwolves:

kettugasm:

OKAY NO EVERYONE HOLD YOUR HORSES HAVE I GOT SOME GREAT SHIT FOR YOU!!

you see these binders? They may not look much, but these fucking things bind like the CHAINS OF HELL THEMSELVES. I’ve got HUGE tits, up in the DD range, but this simple little binder works some goddamn MAGIC on them. It’s comfortable, it binds, it provides perfect support and whatever the hell else. 

These are perfect for both trans* and crossplay-related purposes! What’s the catch though, right? They’re probably super expensive?

HOW DOES $8.28 WITH FREE SHIPPING SOUND???

i use this binder and as a trans boy i can say first hand that they work really well and i would highly recommend them if you are short on cash and need a good binder. i’m about a D cup and these make me look virtually flat.

i also have two of them and they are otherworldly magical buy as many as you can so you have a forever supply ive had them for about 6 months and so far still super bindey.

auricash asked
Hi! I'm in my first poly relationship and I just wanted to say I'm so glad I found a poly blog that's more within my age range - you! :D I'm really liking it so far. Not that all don't poly blogs help, but I've noticed that there's a small generation difference sometimes..? I'm not sure to describe it but anyway haha. I look forward to your blog!

Thank you! I’ve noticed this as well, but I also have to say I’m really grateful for every poly voice, some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten has come from people twice my age because they’ve been doing this for 20 years. There is a lot of comfort too though in having a community of people going through it sort of at the same pace as you. I’m glad you like my blog but I would encourage you to be open to all voices! (My personal favorite “veteran” poly mama is polyamorousmisanthrope.tumblr.com. she means business. She’s mastered this tough love bit and it’s incredible.)

221cbakerstreet:

how about for day of silence straight people have to be quiet and listen to queer people all day

seraphknights:

cultureshift:

This is the Memorial to the Missing and contains over 50,000,000 pennies to represent the lives of each American child abandoned to abortion by a society and a culture that has embraced their destruction. We must prevent the need to add to this memorial. Take a stand. Get involved.
 ”How we treat the least of us defines us.”

"should I use this $500k to help struggling parents and pregnant people or should I put it in a glass box"


there’s a joke in here somewhere about throwing pennies in glass houses

seraphknights:

cultureshift:

This is the Memorial to the Missing and contains over 50,000,000 pennies to represent the lives of each American child abandoned to abortion by a society and a culture that has embraced their destruction. We must prevent the need to add to this memorial. Take a stand. Get involved.

 ”How we treat the least of us defines us.”

"should I use this $500k to help struggling parents and pregnant people or should I put it in a glass box"

there’s a joke in here somewhere about throwing pennies in glass houses
Anonymous asked
Is it unfair if your partner wants a triad relationship because he's in love with two women but the only way you see the other girl is as a friend. But you aren't allowed any other sexual partners cause it would upset him?

yes. that is unfair. why is he allowed to be in love with two people but you aren’t even allowed to explore the chance at that? it’s also real shady of him to want a triad when you only have platonic feelings for this other person. it sounds like you need to have a talk with him about why he is comfortable having certain freedoms and restricting them for you. and maybe ask him why he thinks his desire to be in a triad trumps your feelings about not wanting a relationship with this other girl he loves.

yo is it just me or are men who think they understand poly just the fucking pits???

rachiface asked
As far as poly blogs go, I just want to compliment you on how level-headed, compassionate and intelligent I think all of your responses to poly questions are. I am poly myself, and it is consistently encouraging to see the things you post. More than once I have shared what you've said with my newer, poly-curious friends, and it's helped them resolve issues as well. Never stop being awesome!

wait this is the nicest thing that’s ever happened on tumblr please keep this up wow thank you 😍

Anonymous asked
hello! As someone else who is poly I need to ask your opinion on something. My husband and I agreed that when we got married if we wanted to sleep with another person we'd discuss it first and if we didn't it'd be basically cheating. I just found out that he's been looking at craigslist ads while I'm at night school. I don't think he's acted on anything, but I still feel violated. Am I allowed to feel that way even though we're poly? I just need another persons opinion who is poly. Thanks :]

YES ABSOLUTELY. come in close friends i have an announcement. anytime your partner does something you both agreed wasn’t cool (or never discussed and therefore you have no way of knowing if it is cool), you have violated an agreement and you’re wrong. you took advantage of the poly umbrella and that’s fucked up. you are allowed to be upset and it seems like the best course of action is to have a conversation about specific boundaries and things you’re comfortable with so that in the future everyone is clear on what is and is not cool. be cool everyone, you’re a dickhole otherwise.

Anonymous asked
Is it still called "unfair" if both partners agree with the living situation?

no but i still side-eye the shit out of anyone who limits their partner’s freedoms but not their own, even if said partner(s) say it’s cool

Anonymous asked
I want to say I am polyamorous but I'm not sure. I would rather have just two women that I would want to live my life with but to be honest. I don't want them to have any other partner but me is that considered being polyamorous or poly faithful from what I read on wiki. I would love to know.

that’s something we in the biz like to call “unfair”

Anonymous asked
Are you ok with being asked questions about sex and bodies?

Yes, as long as you don’t expect me to be an expert! If you have questions to be answered by a professional I am not your guy.

Millennials and Sex: A New Take on Dating, Marriage and Monogamy

Leah’s is a generation that has been raised with the concept of sexual freedom and without solid guidelines for how to make monogamy work. That some brand of non-monogamy would appeal to large numbers of them is thus unsurprising. And in this, Millennials realize that they’re pushing the boundaries of the sexual revolution beyond what their parents might have expected and their grandparents could even conceive. By and large, Leah and Ryan feel comfortable with friends their age knowing that they sleep with other people, but are not as comfortable telling older people (for this reason, and for fear of professional repercussions, they’ve asked me to change their names for this article).”

This Rolling Stone article is ON POINT.

animedavidbowie:

unrecognizedpotential:

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)

More people need to know this.

This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.


This is super hard on both people, and I have been on both sides of the equation. It’s hard to feel like you’re carrying a person and it’s also hard to feel like you have to be taken care of. However, each of these steps offers some really helpful insight into how to love a depressed person, and it also reminded me (a depressed person) what it looks like when people are caring for me, which helps get me grounded when I know the actions of others are because they love me.

animedavidbowie:

unrecognizedpotential:

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

More people need to know this.

This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.

This is super hard on both people, and I have been on both sides of the equation. It’s hard to feel like you’re carrying a person and it’s also hard to feel like you have to be taken care of. However, each of these steps offers some really helpful insight into how to love a depressed person, and it also reminded me (a depressed person) what it looks like when people are caring for me, which helps get me grounded when I know the actions of others are because they love me.

foxxxynegrodamus:

Frida Kahlo was so aggressively negative towards white people in all the right ways (and for all the right reasons.) But somehow managed to acquire the biggest gringa feminist fan base since Sylvia Plath. I just don’t get it.

pretty sure it’s because white feminists don’t actually know anything about her